Posted by: Cathy | August 8, 2018

“Negative reactions show you where you have work to do”

“Negative reactions show you where you have work to do.” Cheryl Richardson

What gets your goat? What frosts your cookies? When you have a strong negative reaction to something, according to coach and writer Cheryl Richardson, it shows you where you have work to do.

For example, from my perspective, my male roommate “wastes” a lot of time playing computer games. I find this really irritating, because I don’t have a lot of time to waste. He is self-employed and maybe could be spending his time in a more productive fashion, whereas I have a full-time day job, write fiction, write for my coaching blog and newsletter, try to read books both fiction and self-development, sketch, paint, cook, exercise, do yoga, sleep, etc. I resent that he has all this apparent free time on a daily basis to goof off on the computer. Especially when he talks back to the game, it really frosts my cookies.

Obviously, he doesn’t see it as wasting time or he maybe he wouldn’t do it as often. Maybe it’s a stress relief for him or provides some other benefit I don’t see. Because really, it’s none of my business how he spends his time, as long as he continues to pay his half of the rent.

My anger over his behavior triggers a need that I have for more down time. I make choices to have many hobbies rather than have time to goof off on the computer. My anger is more about a doubt of my own choices rather than anything to do with his choices.

My anger shows me where I have work to do. I can reevaluate my choices, or recommit to my choices, but having anger over what he’s doing is just wasted energy.

Where do you have work to do?


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