Posted by: Cathy | September 24, 2014

Coach Nibble: Internet Dating

Coach Blog 010114 This month’s coach nibble comes from Jessica: “I’m doing internet dating and I know I have intimacy/boundary issues. I think I’m being more open as I meet people, but I realized that I’m trying to over-plan the dating situation and I recognize this is just another way of keeping rigid boundaries so I feel safer. I’m now aware that I’m doing it, but I don’t know how to relax and just let a potential relationship take its natural course. Help.”

I can relate to this! I feel more comfortable with firm boundaries and regular routines, and yet I know this keeps me in a bubble and other people outside the bubble.

I would begin asking you to make a list of things you trust unconditionally. When you exhale, you don’t question that you will soon have another inhale. When you go to sleep at night, you don’t question that the sun will rise in the morning. When you close your eyes to blink, you don’t question that your environment will be pretty much exactly the same in that fraction of a second when you open your eyes again. These might seem like small, silly things, but we’re focusing on the trust that is already there so we can build on it.

Dating is a situation where it’s difficult to see trust, because there are hundreds or even thousands of people on a dating site and you have no idea what kind of people they are. There are probably some predators and there are probably some really great people you would love to meet. You can’t trust in those people necessarily, but you can trust in yourself and in your higher self or spiritual power.

So make a second list of things you trust yourself to do unconditionally. Again, these things may seem small or silly, like brushing your teeth every day or using your turn signal in the car, but we’re focuing on the trust that is already there in yourself so we can build on it. Then add some things you would like to trust in yourself in regard to internet dating; for example, I trust that I have a lot to offer a partner, I trust that I’m a great catch, I trust that I attract worthy partners, I trust that I learned from and healed my previous relationships, I trust that the universe wants me to have an awesome relationship, I trust my angels will help me find a great partner. If there is anything on this list that doesn’t feel quite true yet, ask yourself what you need to do to make it true. Then do the work and make it a little truer each day. Come up with some affirmations to help you ground in what you want to trust and create a little doodle or collage you can put where you will see it every day.

You might not be able to trust unconditionally in the person sitting next to you at the cafe table or restaurant bar, but you can trust unconditionally in yourself and, when you do, that will help you exude confidence and happiness to help attract a great parnter for you!

Let me know what you think in the comments section or on Facebook!

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Check out the coach nibble information page if you’d like to submit a topic for a future coach nibble. All suggestions are entered in a monthly drawing!

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